Fitch's Kemper [3]

Fiction By Damaris Ann // 7/7/2017

"Thanks, fellas. I really-" he smacked his forehead. "Oh, shucks, I can't believe that! I'll catch y'all later."

"What's up?"

"Dude! You haven't even touched your food."

"Already, Fitch?"

"Guys! It just occurred to me that I know that girl. I gotta find her."

"What girl?"

"You crazy? C'mon, man!"

"I'll explain it to y'all later. Save me two spots tomorrow, Breck."

Byron was gone before he could hear anymore complains.

"Hey! Kris! Wait up."

"Hey," Her tired smile was heartbreaking.

"Kris, do you have a moment?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Let's talk in the Library. That okay with you?"


They walked in step. Silence reigned inside the library.

"What's up, Byron?"

"Does my name sound familiar to you?"

"Hmm? I mean, I knew a Byron once. A long time ago."

"Kris. Kris, look at me. Do you remember the library in Hico? The Little White Horse?"

She vaulted onto her tip-toes and threw her arms around his neck.

"Whoa! Whoa there, Kris. It's good to see you, too."

He laughed, and she pulled her arms away.

"I'm so sorry, it's just-oh my word I can't believe this. After-after I left, I had nobody."

"It's totally fine. Man, that was three years ago. You've changed."

"Ha. Yeah, I have. You have, too. You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"I've wondered what happened to you ever since you left the library so abruptly that day. I really liked you, even though we'd only met a few times. Where have you been?"

"I moved in with my aunt here in Austin."

"That sudden, huh?"

"Pretty much. I was-well, I need to get going."

"Oh. Okay. Talk soon?"

He saw that old pleading in her eyes again.

"Yes! Yes. Please. I'll call you. Or, well; I'll see. Goodbye."

"Goodbye. Hey, Kris?"

"Yeah," She paused in the doorway. "What's up?"

"I'll always be here for you if you need me. My offer still stands."

"I know. Thank you."

"Any time."


Byron looked across the hall just in time to catch Kris's eye. She hesitated, then looked both ways before crossing over to where he stood.

"Hey," she smiled up at him. "I never realized how tall you were."

He chuckled.

"I guess I got my growth spurt after you moved. Say, will you sit with me at lunch?"

"I-I, sure. Why not. Will, that is, who usually sits near you?"

"Mostly some of the guys on my team."

"Oh, I-" she sucked in her breath.

"Not him, though, if that's what you were wondering. We definitely aren't buddies."

"Got it." She nodded. "In that case, I'd love to sit with you at lunch."

"Great! Shall we?"

"Lead the way."

The tables were already pretty full up by the time they filled their plates.

"Fitch, over here!"

"Ah, Breck! Thanks!"

"Who's this?"

"Meet Kris Kemper, fellas. She's an old friend of mine from back home."

There were hearty shouts of "Nice to meet you!" And "Any friend of Fitch's is welcome!"

Kris glowed. She whispered to Byron, "It's like having a bunch of brothers all of a sudden."

"That's exactly what it is." His voice was reassuring and gentle.

She beamed timidly at the brawny bunch.

"It's nice to meet y'all, too."


Very captivating so far,

Very captivating so far, Damaris! This is flowing very quickly--I really like your use of conversation to kind of motivate the story. I did find myself wondering about the time period; is this fairly recent, or does it take place in the past? Certain things that occurred during conversations, like the use of "say", brought to mind the forties-fifties era.

My one critique would be that it feels like there are some blanks to fill in, between conversations. I feel like I'm needing to see the settings, to read the movements of the people Kris is talking to...this is almost entirely dialogue, and although that is a huge part of storytelling--one of the most crucial, in my opinion--I think the chapters are a little sparse, and wanting for more in addition to that. Add that in, and you'll have an impeccably-crafted story!

Madeline | Sun, 07/09/2017

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Aww, thank you!!! That means

Aww, thank you!!! That means a lot. And thank you for your critique, too! Very helpful. I'm hoping to work on some editing later today. :)

Damaris Ann | Mon, 07/10/2017

"It is the small temptations which undermine integrity unless we watch and pray and never think them too trivial to be resisted."
-Luisa May Alcott

Oops, forgot to say that this

Oops, forgot to say that this is supposed to be pretty recent. :)

Damaris Ann | Wed, 07/12/2017

"It is the small temptations which undermine integrity unless we watch and pray and never think them too trivial to be resisted."
-Luisa May Alcott


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