Peaches, pt. 6

Fiction By Erin // 10/29/2011


    *A/N* Another short one! I'm pretty happy with it, however, so hopefully y'all will enjoy it!
    The name passed my lips, so quiet it was almost like I was just breathing instead of speaking. Although, isn’t speaking really breathing, only with sound? I didn’t tell him about the other thing I remembered. It was too beautiful, too sacred. Besides, I couldn’t decide whether it was a dream or reality. Just like everything else going on, I suppose. But when I saw him sink, his black eyes fall, I almost let it go.
            “What?” I asked. I had remembered something, I thought that I might have believed him at last.
            “It’s not my real name. That’s the name that I called myself,” he said somberly.
            “But isn’t that what a name is?” I blurted, somewhat frustrated that he was so disappointed.
            He stood all the way up and turned away from me to light a lantern. The candlelight illuminated his face in red gold, and I could see the stony expression on it.
            “No. A name is what you are, what you are made of. The name that you remember is one that I told you, so that you would have something to call me.”
            He looked so, so sad. “So I’m bitter?” I asked, a hopeful smile starting to play on my lips.
            He raised his eyebrows a fraction of an inch. “Excuse me,” he stated.
            “My name. It means bitter,” I said awkwardly, my smile wavering. It took him a moment, but I got to witness the moment where the smile started, and widened. Then, I heard the slight sound of laughter. Then it grew and spread. I realized in that instant that I hadn’t seen him smile yet, and that it was a lovely smile, that made those black eyes light up just the slightest bit. He laughed for the longest time, and even though it wasn’t really all that funny, I laughed with him until he stopped.
            He was still smiling when he said, “No, Marie, I don’t think that you’re bitter.”
            I smiled back. “Well, that’s good. So may I call you by the name that I remember?”
            His smile fell a little bit, and his brow furrowed slightly as he thought. Then he nodded. “Yes,” he said.
            After that we just stood there for a moment, and I noticed how strange it was that I was standing in the middle of a cave in nothing but a nightgown and a blanket with an unfamiliar man who had no name but claimed to know me.
            But somehow, when I remembered that beautiful little moment, I knew that he told me the truth. He was sleeping, and the candles lit his face. He looked so peaceful. Two stubborn locks of dark hair fell on his forehead, and I pushed them back only for them to fall again. I felt myself smile and I sunk back into my pillow and woke up. And as I awoke, I remembered the name.
            “Goodnight, David,” I said as I walked back to my spot.
            “Please take the bed, Marie,” he called softly after me. Heat rushed to my face, but I nodded.
            As I went to sleep, I wondered if he remembered that moment, too. And what else, beyond that?


The guessing at names here

The guessing at names here kind of reminds me of the Rumpelstiltskin retelling I'm writing, and another story called Spook Owl. Just a little, though - the way faerie legends make names significant.

O' course, David means beloved...

Anna | Tue, 11/01/2011

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Ha, I didn't know that David

Ha, I didn't know that David meant beloved...I just thought it suited him somehow :). You should post the Rumpelstiltskin retelling!!!

Erin | Tue, 11/01/2011

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I don't know, but I thought

I don't know, but I thought you did, so I curiously looked it up. :) I like the name David.

I'll think about it. Gotta write more first and figure out whether I want to change the ending of the story as much as I thought. Hint: I really like  this interpretation:

Anna | Wed, 11/02/2011

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Mmm, makes me want to write a

Mmm, makes me want to write a Rumplestiltskin interpretation........Haha, I won't be a copycat though!!

Erin | Wed, 11/02/2011

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Wow, this is really cool! I

Wow, this is really cool! I can't wait to read more!

Elizabeth Anne | Thu, 11/03/2011

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

 I like the emphasis on

 I like the emphasis on names.  Names are evidently very important in this story; perhaps they'll play an even bigger role later on in the story? ;)

Clare Marie | Thu, 11/03/2011

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]


Though it was short, it was magnifecently done!


I like the name David too!

Write on!

Kassady | Sat, 11/05/2011

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
Write On!

Thanks you guys!

Thanks you guys!

Erin | Mon, 11/07/2011

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond


User login

Please read this before creating a new account.