Wal-Marts New Security System: Storm Troopers!?

An Essay By I am Nate-Dude // 7/21/2009


A few weeks ago, my Aunt Wendy (Bell’s Mom, for more on this see the  end,) took my little cousin Jeffery and me to Wal-Mart for a fun day of…trying on shoes! Or at least that’s what Jeffery thought. (I was in on the whole surprise.) As we were “Going to the garden aisle”, what do you think happened? We walked past the toy aisle. But guess what happened when we walked past the toy aisle? A Scout Trooper walked past us!!! (For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, Get A Life! Or go watch Star Wars 6: Return of the Jedi. I’ll wait for you to finish the movie…) Wal-Mart, had teamed up with a Star Wars, costume clad, grope called the “501st Legion” to raise money for Child’s Miracle Network. What you do is pay $5 to take your picture with your favorite Star Wars character and they give the money to CMN. Then you can hang out and talk to the Imperial scum. The only good guys that they had were Obi-Wan, and Chewie. And Obi’s hair made him look like a hippy-freak. Or maybe I should say dude, yeah he looked like a hippy dude. They were all very nice, even Darth Vader! The only real thing that was official looking was the costumes. They were just using a digital camera. One of their members, (who didn’t wear a costume,) had gotten herself some Starbuck’s drink of some sort. One of the Scout troopers, named TB-9285, walked up to her and said (with that hollow storm trooper voice): “Hey. Where’s my Starbucks?”
Girl: “I didn’t get you one.”
 TB-9285: “Why not?!”
Girl: “I didn’t know you wanted one.”
TB-9285: “Some friend you are! Only thinking about yourself.”
Girl: “Sorry! Talk to her about it.” She pointed at the girl who was talking the money and who also appeared to in charge.
TB-9285: “Oh sure! Shift the blame, shift the blame!”
Girl: “Well, wait, no I, he—“
TB-9285: “--Look, we all have to be responsible for our actions. And she’s not responsible, he’s not responsible, I’m not responsible for all this, so who’s responsible? YOU!”
This was pretty funny to watch. I kind of forgot what they said so, those aren’t their exact words. I put on my Jedi tunic when I got my picture taken. This kind of thing only happens once so I made the most of it.  Now even though Jeffry is 6 years-old he still sucks he’s fingers. He sucks his middle and his ring-fingers. And when the poor little boy when out with me (We got 2 pictures together) to take a picture with his favorite villain, he clawed my leg and sucked his nails off! He was scared to death. (You know little kids. When you meet these cool looken’ dudes it’s kinda frightening. ) when it was his turn to get his picture by himself he would not let go of my leg! I had a heck of a time getting him off of me.  Then when we went to talk to TB-9285, Jeffry wanted me to fight him and all that other stuff. (I told him to do it. Cue finger sucking. He has calices on his fingers from sucking them. I’m not kidding! Ask Kendra. ) I had a few question for TB-9285. Normally I wouldn’t have said all the stuff I did, but this only happens once. I asked him what they did now that the Emperor was dead. “Well, we’re just setting up blockades, and hoping that the rebels don’t gain any more ground.”   I asked him if his armor really worked. “What do you mean? Of course it works!” was the reply. “Well the rebels don’t seem to have a problem shooting you guys down.”  “Well if you’re basing your info of the movies they’re pretty biased, you know. Like episode 4, did you see that?”
“When we stormed the ship, our armor worked pretty good then.”
I’m out of time to finish my story, so…
To be continued…


About Bell...

She is one of my cousins who is also an AP user. You probably haven't meet her. She is never online.

I am Nate-Dude | Tue, 07/21/2009


Hahaha!!! This was

Hahaha!!! This was great...Jeff and his fingers! Oh I bet that was a nightmare trying to unpleel him from your leg! Makes me laugh :D

Ariel | Wed, 07/22/2009

"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

Other side of the story...

“Well if you’re basing your info of the movies they’re pretty biased, you know."

Ah--now it all makes sense! They do say history is written by the victors: George Lucas must be a Rebel propaganda writer.

Hilarious! I'm grinning fit to break my face. Looking forward to further installments.


Anonymous | Wed, 07/22/2009

It was!. You sound as if you

It was!. You sound as if you really saw it ;)

I am Nate-Dude | Fri, 07/24/2009


I know! I told the guy I was

I know! I told the guy I was going to have to talk to Lucas about it. He said: "Well Lucas is cool with Imperials.  I was once his body gaurd at a movie screening." Thanks for the comment, it made my day.

I am Nate-Dude | Mon, 11/30/2009



User login

Please read this before creating a new account.