Addiction

A Poem By Kassady // 1/17/2014

*
I miss you,
So much it hurts me heart.
I miss everything about you,
And it pains me to be so far apart.
The way you smile,
The way you laugh,
The way you dress in style,
The way you split my heart in half,
With just one look.
I miss the scent of you!
And every conversation you partook.
I miss all of you!
Everyone of my senses longs for you!
Sound, sight, smell, I miss you!

*
A new year for hope and great happiness,
Though I spent the whole afternoon crying.
I've known about this growing addictedness,
I know this isn't love I've just been lying.
Meanwhile everyday I'm slowly dying.
This unrequited love makes me dizzy,
When I was with you I felt like flying,
Now I'm in an emotional tizzy.
Whenever I want to talk you're busy.
These cycles of addiction are insane,
You make me feel happy, giddy, fizzy,
But this anxiety fills me with pain.
Incompatible in every way hon
And my romantic daydreams must be done.

*
Honestly I have broken my own heart,
Grand illusions all built up in my mind,
Fantasies made then roughly ripped apart,
Lover? No you were just loving and kind.
Often I've been lost and unable to find,
My footing on this thin treacherous wire.
All this time I have been completely blind,
Guided, blinded, and deceived by desire.
You've been my love to adore and admire,
But it was all just infatuation.
It's an ever dimming and dying fire,
Stoked once or twice by insinuation.
We've shared happy moments I will agree
But I can't continue in misery.

*
Can't help but realize it's just the thought,
That I miss in every way every day.
You're the hook I'm the fish, again I'm caught,
I've dreamed more than I can admit to say.
Instead of forgetting I'm on replay,
And I miss the way you would say goodnight.
Communications fell into decay,
Despite the large amount of texts we write,
And despite the way I so want to fight.
Your scent, your smell, your laughter and accent,
I'm walking in the dark looking for light,
But I know you aren't the light just lambent.
All my dreams came crumbling down around me,
As I woke up to hard reality.

*
Say something I am giving up on you,
It's hard living in silent solitude,
I feel lonely with no one to talk to.
I once felt a verisimilitude
Now all I feel is a great lassitude.
I miss that old feeling of giddiness,
It's been replaced with a disquietude.
Thoughts of you fill me with uneasiness,
I always have a sense of helplessness.
I have never wanted to let you go,
But I can't sacrifice my happiness.
I want to keep holding on even though,
I now it is unhealthy for me to,
It's better I know but I still want you.

*
Sometimes I think I'm afraid to let go,
Afraid somehow that I'm betraying you,
As if for some unknown reason I owe,
The thought of you, like I must continue,
To hold unto my addiction, untrue.
I don't want to wallow any longer,
I just want all of this hurt to undo.
All I truly want is to be stronger,
I know someday I'll have to conquer,
This miserable mental addiction.
And someday I hope I'l have a prompter,
To pull me back from my own affliction,
Prompting me to see the light in my life,
To live in love and not in mental strife.

Comments

I like these, especially that

I like these, especially that last one. The beginning of the second to last one reminded me of "Say Something" by A Great Big World. I like the idea of keeping a sonnet journal, that's cool! I'm learning more about poetry in my English course, so I might try writing some things with a meter instead of just free verse. It sounds really hard, so I commend you for that!

E | Tue, 01/21/2014

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Thanks!

Thanks Erin!
Actually I had heard that song in the car that day and... well, honestly? Cried my eyes out, because I related to the song so much :P and so the line stuck with me and I added it to the beginning of the poem, as like a basis. Thanks!
You should totally try, even if you don't write every night, it's still very full-filling and challenging! It's nice, it makes me feel like I'm productive with my writing when I haven't written in a while... so it's like cheating :P haha!
I would try free verse first, but just go with a meter, mine is "ABABBCBCCDCDEE"... does that make sense?
Thanks again, if you do start a sonnet journal please let me know and post!!!! :D

Kassady | Tue, 01/21/2014

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

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