The Survivor

Fiction By Laura Elizabeth // 2/25/2011

 

 You can also read this on my blog, http://lauraeandrews.blogspot.com

The Survivor

I am the survivor of an abortion. No, my mother did not try to abort me. So why do I say this? Here is why:

My mother moved in with her boyfriend at 16. High school was only half finished for her, and after that was college and the degree her parents wanted her to have. When she became pregnant, there was very little discussion about it: the baby had to go. She couldn’t be tied down with an infant or a toddler during the very years in which she had to get an education.

They went to an abortion clinic two weeks later, and that was that. She was now free. School went by; she got passing grades. A year and a half later, she became unexpectedly pregnant again. And, again, the baby was aborted. Not long afterwards, she broke up with her boyfriend, was accepted by a college, and for four years she worked at getting her degree.

After her graduation she moved in with a guy from college; a year later they were engaged, planning to be married a year after that. Then my mother again got pregnant. This time, there was not the excuse of education to dismiss this baby; but they had not paid off their house, and they were still paying off college debts. They could not afford to support anyone else yet.

For the third time, my mother went to an abortion clinic, and left it without a baby.

Time went on. The house was mostly paid off and they had made a good dent in their student loan debts because of well paying jobs, and both were ready to have a child at last.

The pregnancy was planned this time. Not long after the baby was conceived, my mother went to the hospital to have it checked out and the doctor noticed that the fetus had a problem: Down Syndrome. He suggested that it would be best to abort it.

My mother knew the routine. She went to the abortion clinic. They could not possibly afford to take care of a child who was not normal.

Some months later, she was again pregnant. When the baby was checked by the doctor it was pronounced “normal”, and so my mother went home and, four months after that, I was born.

I was healthy, at just under 9 pounds. Although I was the only child, they still looked on me as something of a nuisance. When I was two years old, my mother put me in daycare. At six, I was transferred to the elementary school across town.

At eight, I learned that my mother was going to have a baby. Things weren’t well between my parents; I heard them arguing every night.

Finally, things quieted down. No baby came. A year passed, and my father left us.

In high school, I found out that my mother had had five abortions, four of them before I was born.

All my life, babies had been brought to my attention like this: ‘a lot of work’, ‘an inconvenience’ ‘trying to the patience’ ‘they stink their diapers a lot’ ‘they’re always hungry’ ‘they scream and cry all the time’. Why, then, did my parents even have one baby? And how did that baby just happen to be me? Why wasn’t I one of those they aborted? I suppose it is because I was just a convenience, like a new chair or going to the hair salon. There was nothing special about me; if I had been one of the first four, then I would have been aborted.

It sets me to wondering if my parents really loved me. I heard my mother say more than once that she would be glad when I was finally at college so that she could do things she wanted. She said she couldn’t see how her mother put up with three. One was definitely more than a handful.

This is why I consider myself a survivor of an abortion. And, sometimes, I wonder what those five babies would have looked like.

But, after all, why would anyone want a baby in the first place?

Just another mouth to feed; just another person to crowd the world; just another rebellious teen-to-be; just another inconvenience.

And, now I’m seventeen. My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together. I haven’t finished high school. College is on my list of things to do.

Babies look cute from a distance, but I’ve been taught well: why even have one that you aren’t going to love. That you are going to have when it’s convenient, if it doesn't have a problem. I’m not even going to bother with one. I’ll just live my life how I please and never be tied down by a child who will only make my life miserable, as I have apparently made my own mother’s life.

 

Romans 1:28,31

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over…to do those things which are not convenient…being…without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful.

Comments

Wow

That was really powerful.

Julie | Fri, 02/25/2011

Formerly Kestrel

Wow

That was really powerful.

Julie | Fri, 02/25/2011

Formerly Kestrel

I really don't know how

I really don't know how anyone could live with themselves after aborting five babies. 

There's a good song that someone wrote after an abortion.  It's by a rapper, but it doesn't have any bad words (if any of you are averse to that) and it's really sweet.  The tune is kind of pretty too.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXb1ZcfhO7k

This was really good.  It made me wonder though, if abortions really do affect the surviving children.  I hope she never had one.

Bridget | Fri, 02/25/2011

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

Just to clarify...

This isn't a true story. It's not based on anyone I know or have hear of.
Also, Bridget, I don't listen to rap music at all. It's too jarring, and I also have other reasons, but don't feel like going into them right now :)
Kestrel: Thanks!

Laura Elizabeth | Sat, 02/26/2011

*************************************************
The best stories are those that are focused, unassuming, and self-confident enough to trust the reader to figure things out. --

http://lauraeandrews.blogspot.com/2014/05/dont-tell-me-hes-smart.html

Wow....

This was so sad....I think my jaw dropped in shock each time she aborted! It's terrible, yes. Sometimes people do have their reasons but to abort FIVE TIMES...four of them being healthy babies--that's just terrible! It's a good thing this isn't based on anyone in particular you know! 

Keep it up! :)

Madeline | Sat, 02/26/2011

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Oh wow .... I will never

Oh wow ....

I will never understand why someone would willfully take the life of a helpless person. I especially don't understand that about a kid with Down Syndrome -a good deal of the time, those tests aren't even right, and the rest of the time -I have a baby brother with Down Syndrome and he's the happiest, most joyful little kid I know! It's amazing ...and so sad ...that someone would do that. Excellently written.

Tahlia Grant | Wed, 03/02/2011

Tahlia--

By the way, I also didn't mean that she SHOULD have aborted the baby with down syndrome. That was just as bad as aborting all the others. Every child (unless the mother is, I don't know, in danger) should be given a chance to live! So, with that said, just wanted to clarify! 

Madeline | Thu, 03/03/2011

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Tahlia--

By the way, I also didn't mean that she SHOULD have aborted the baby with down syndrome. That was just as bad as aborting all the others. Every child (unless the mother is, I don't know, in danger) should be given a chance to live! So, with that said, just wanted to clarify! 

Madeline | Thu, 03/03/2011

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

I know- I don't think any

I know- I don't think any babies should be aborted, either! Sorry if I was unclear.

Tahlia Grant | Thu, 03/03/2011

Death and stuff

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. Paul stated that to die is gain, to live is Christ (that is, self-sacrificial). I believe every aborted baby is growing up in heaven right now. The babies didn't get the bad end of the deal, you should just be sad for the mortal world that missed out on them.

(Not that I'm trying to condone abortion or anything.)

a | Tue, 04/24/2012

So sad

All of this story and the discussion in comments is really sad and the music I'm listening to isn't helping.

Aalen Fideli | Thu, 08/23/2012

Music I created
[updated]