Decieve, and other brutally honest poetry

A Poem By little woman // 12/18/2013

I: Turning
turning from the things
I don't want to see
self-enforced prohibition
hiding me from me
hiding myself from others around
shaping myself
to fit them
and their needs
of who I ought to be
this shape-shifting confuses
I try to ignore it
ignore the fickle will
living inside
but when I break loose
and defy these
self-imposed boundaries
people wonder what's wrong
with me

II: secret time
drowsing through the day
each blink an hour long
the day drags and disappears
too soon
too tired to focus
too busy to work
until it gets dark
the stars come out
so do I
for a few brief hours
I'm in my own world
the house is silent
I dance alone
in my pajamas
as the DJ sings
I sing loudly
unafraid of mistakes
I read too long
and collapse in bed
already asleep
only to crawl out again
fall out again
tomorrow

III: validation
why
do I seek validation
in every aspect of my life
femininity
only counts of boys notice
why
talents
only exist when they're praised
friendships-
opinions-
abilities-
I want to be wanted
so much
I want to be noticed
for the right things
I'm not even sure
I know what those things are
but oh!
losing myself to gain them
to gain this made-up validity
but
I am valid
my worth doesn't bounce
like so many cardiac graphs
my worth
my validity
is real, and it is solid

IV: let go
when I let go
and stop caring
when I sing with the speakers in the store
when I dance through a parking lot
when I skip "getting presentable"
and flirt without makeup
when I laugh so hard I almost fall over
when I make faces
instead of "acting my age"
I feel
as though I've conquered myself
fears pushed aside
my type of living on the edge
isn't what may be called daring
but it is for me
I might be rejected
but all I can do now
is push on
and let my quirks through
and be proud of them
because really
attitude is everything
and if it's not
well
it's too late now
so I might as well sing

V: deceive
turning away
from you
hiding my face
so you can't see
the falseness of my words
I bite my cheek
hard
to control these emotions
to keep them inside
pouring out my pain
by creating pain
to distract me
clenching fingernails
into soft palms
pushing back the tears
that rise
and calmly I speak
laugh, blow it off
as I take out this hurt
on myself
to deceive you

VI: magnetic glass
this silver puddle on my wall
telling me what I deserve
this magic mirror
wielding its power over my life
he said
girls are prettier
without makeup
without those trappings
the mirror says I need
who do I believe
sinking
into the molten surface
the distorted image staring back at me
looks dead
her eyes look dead
flat
expressions pasted on a lying face
I want to break the magic
of this mirror
trust the living eyes
telling me I'm pretty
still the pull
of the magnetic glass
drags me
telling me my worth

VII: dream life
sleeping
to dream
to leave this place
to have the adventures
I long for
when I dream
I have no control over my fate
like a heroine in a novel
I stand at the mercy of the author
strange things happen
every time
I love
these dreams
my tickets
to leave
mundane reality
and find
the adventures
that can never be real

VIII: reflections
shedding thoughts like clothing
peeling layers of memory
like an onion
building up a sugar coating
giving in and fighting still
an oyster
suffocating the grain of sand
instead of spitting it out
I see reflections of myself
in the life moving on without me
swirling patterns
counteracting individuality

Comments

Ooh more poetry!

I think there were a few shallower ones then your previous poems, but I actually really enjoyed these particular ones.

How we look shouldn't be an issue (well, to an extent) but it is. It SO is! I know I feel like this sometimes.

Turning: "self-enforced prohibition" "self-imposed boundaries"

II: secret time: Great rhythm.

Validation is amazing in the sense that you portray things SO well -- I can't put my thoughts into that much order.

I like let go. Great job, and be quirky and yourself and whoever.

Deceive: "clenching fingernails" all too often!!

VI: magnetic glass: MY FAVOURITE! I just love it; "this silver puddle on my wall" A silver puddle...I never have thought of it that way, now I am going to be referring to my mirror as a 'silver puddle'. I love the flow of it all.

"he said
girls are prettier
without makeup"

Dying to know who. A singer....?? Or just a person you know...

"the distorted image staring back at me
looks dead
her eyes look dead
flat"

I liked that, "flat".

"my tickets
to leave
mundane reality
and find
the adventures
that can never be real"

Actually, no, maybe Reflections is my favourite. Yes, it must be. The imagery is vivid there, and I love your word choice.

"in the life moving on without me
swirling patterns
counteracting individuality""

"peeling layers of memory
like an onion"

That. Is. So. Real. In. My. Mind. You. Don't. Realise. It.

Such a good job!! Please don't stop.

Maddi | Wed, 12/18/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you! I really

Thank you! I really appreciate how you go through so many of them! I'm glad you liked the imagery in reflections and magnetic glass!

And umm, yeah, the guy who said that is someone I actually know. :)

little woman | Wed, 12/18/2013

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

Ahhhhhhhh I love these. I

Ahhhhhhhh I love these. I feel like I understand every single one. I especially loved Reflections and Turning. Great job!

Erin | Thu, 12/19/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I don't know how you do it.

I don't know how you do it. Really, I don't. You communicate your thoughts so effectively and are still, at the same time, able to relate them to the reader. And no, none of this did strike me as particularly shallow. It seems pretty normal-teenage-girl to me, and I related. To let go in particular. I really, really loved that.

when I make faces
instead of "acting my age"
I feel
as though I've conquered myself

My favorite bit out of the whole poem. I really, really understand that. I enjoy spending my time not acting my age, haha. :) But there are still things I want to do sometimes that I just don't when I'm around a crowd of people. Perfect poem.

I really like the flow in secret time. It's almost melodic, the way it reads. Kind of in a rhythm. I really like it. Oh, and these lines:

I'm in my own world
the house is silent
I dance alone
in my pajamas

As for all the makeup-y themes, I understand that too on a more abstract level, because I hardly ever wear makeup. Just not something I ever got into, haha. :) But I can relate that to other things, so.

Really wonderful how you do this! Please keep it up! And post more. Preferably soon? ;)

-Homey

Edit: Sorry, typo fix. Preferably looked like Pfreferably, so....haha.

Madeline | Thu, 12/19/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

:)

Erin - Thank you!!!! I'm so glad you got them all!!

Homey - You girls' comments may have seriously just made my day. Thank you so much! I'm glad you related, even to all the makeup-y stuff. I always love seeing your lovely long comments. :)

As for more poetry soon, well, I'll do my best. :) I typically don't post until I have at least 5 poems, but I am going to try to post again before Christmas. :)

little woman | Thu, 12/19/2013

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

These are really nice. I love

These are really nice. I love the descriptions in "Reflections" and the spirit of "Let Go." And they are so NOT shallow! :)

Hannah D. | Thu, 12/19/2013

"Reason itself is a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." - G. K. Chesterton

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