Triage and a handful of other such poetry

A Poem By little woman // 12/7/2013

I: run
I tend to run
headlong
into plans
without checking to see if they'll hold
and then
more often than not
I fall
face first
onto the toppled debris
I still run
fall
but now
caution drags at my heels
keeping me from running too hard
but if I run
truly run
I might fly
someday
instead of lying here
crumpled, and trying to be safe

II: triage
going into triage
existing, just existing
no time
never enough time
for everything
rushing, rushing
wasting time
precious time
to feel as if I'm living
but wasting
time
only takes away
from life
my life
is being wasted
by me
as I pretend to live

III: Expectations
so many expectations
views of who I am
who I ought to be

you know what?

they crush me.
I can't be this wrong or that right
I'm not always
who I tell myself I am
I have so far to grow
so much to learn
so much to do, to feel

so keep your expectations
gentle
I'm too soft for yelling
If you're going to be human
let me be human too

IV: breaking
my hair is breaking
fraying
from the tight pressure of a black band
holding it out of the way
I am breaking
chafing
at the restrictions holding me
out of the way
sacrifices have to be made for everything
to have one thing you must lose another
possibilities
dance, the what-if's floating
just out of reach
like dust specks turned to glitter in the sun
I'm choking on dust
falling apart,
like my hair

V: don't give up
don't give up on me
please
don't leave me
not yet
I need you
to soothe my fears, to make me laugh
to hold my hand
when I lose my way
to tell me your secrets, and listen to mine
to cry with me
I need you for so much
promise me
you won't leave
promise
you won't give up on me

VI: knowing you
knowing you
has changed me
perhaps for the better
perhaps not
I can't know
what I do know
is that your presence
your soul
has given me life, shown me life
in new ways
and that without you
I wouldn't be me
thank you
for making me into who I am

VII: struggle
I struggle
with myself sometimes
comparing my faults
to the best traits of others
and it hurts
and I cry
and all I want to do is sleep
to hide the faults
but I can't
so I move on
learning to love, continuing to hate
hiding from the floundering weight
of dissatisfaction
giving up on changing
so I hurt
and cry
and sleep

Comments

These are legitimately the

These are legitimately the story of my life. You have no idea how well you communicated your emotions. Every word of these connected with me on such a personal level.

Erin | Sun, 12/08/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I love your poetry! I was

I love your poetry! I was able to pick out little bits and pieces that I can relate to. Please keep posting! And thank you for being so honest. :) (and, even after months, I am still in awe of that one poem you wrote that was just, literally, me in a nutshell and I don't know how you did it! ahhhh....)

Madeline | Mon, 12/09/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Your poems never, ever cease to amaze me. Like, ever.

How do you do this?! Truly amazing. Serious. Do you just write these up, or do you edit them as well? It seems like you are just effortlessly painting these beautiful pictures without trying.

I: run: Oh, so unfortunately true. Meh. "onto the toppled debris" "caution drags at my heels"

II: triage: Amazing job. Triage...triage...

III: Expectations: Oh gosh, you just hit the nail directly on the head. And this? "If you're going to be human
let me be human too" SO strong and pleading.

IV: breaking: I really liked this one. The imagery is *breathes in* perfect, especially in the first stanza. And this: "like dust specks turned to glitter in the sun
I'm choking on dust"

V: don't give up: Sweet, I love this: "thank you
for making me into who I am"

VII: struggle: Yes. One big yes.
"and all I want to do is sleep" OH, don't we all??
"hiding from the floundering weight
of dissatisfaction"

How do you....? *wrestles mentally*

"so I hurt
and cry
and sleep"

Lovely ending. Please, never stop writing!

Maddi | Tue, 12/10/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you!

Erin - I'm so glad that you could relate to these. Telling me that I communicated well is one of the best things anyone could say to me!!

Homey - Aww, thank you! Haha, I tend to go overboard on the honesty. Poetry is just how I purge and give in to my emotions and get over things and relieve pain and yeah. So the honesty is just a by-product of dealing with life. :) And I'm soooo glad that you connected with that one poem so well! Like I told Erin, that's truly one of the best things anyone could ever tell me.

Maddi - You girls are seriously so sweet! Umm, I just sort of write them. I have to write on actual paper, or nothing goes right, (even with essays), and then very rarely I'll edit them when I'm typing. Usually it's just making sure that spelling is right, but occasionally I'll change a word that just doesn't fit, somehow. Sometimes a poem will just sort of grow in my mind, and I don't even have time to think about it, I just have to write it down before I forget it, and then other times I get lines and have to struggle to tease out the rest of the poem, like it's hiding just out of reach.

Thank you all so much for commenting! When I get caught up and stop writing, sometimes I can't bring myself to start again, but remembering the lovely release I get from poetry, and the feedback I get on AP, usually gets me started again. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for helping to motivate me, and for helping me to grow as a writer. :)

little woman | Tue, 12/10/2013

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

Writing is one of my ways to

Writing is one of my ways to deal with life too, though I generally don't write anything worth keeping when I'm in one of those moods. And I don't generally write poetry either, but it's interesting to see what other people come up with. These poems are an interesting insight into your mind and life.

Julie | Wed, 12/11/2013

Formerly Kestrel

Lovely!

Lovely! Thank you so much for laying your heart out like this and letting us see into your heart! Struggle really resonated with me, but all of them are well written!!!
Great job!

Kassady | Fri, 12/13/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!