Musings on the Love of My Life

An Essay By Raine // 8/23/2008

Today...I am thinking about acting and performing. I just watched the special features of a movie that I enjoy--Stardust--and they were discussing the making of the film. One of the actors commented "When you're acting, giving it your best effort makes it so much better and worth it."

I absolutely love being on stage and giving it my best effort. It really does make it that much more worth it. Today, as I was thinking about acting and watching various different actors perform magnificently, I suddenly blurted out to myself "To heck with teaching! I'm going to act!"

I love acting...I do enjoy teaching drama very much...but not as much as I enjoy performing. Why go straight to the sensible secure choice when I love acting and singing ten times more? When I think about performing I feel...elated, excited and delighted. At the same time, I feel so nervous. When I think about trying to make my way in the world as a performer, I start to feel so scared! However, as my good friend Rob said to me, it is often the scariest, boldest and most risky things that we ought to be doing. I think he's right. I know he's right. A woman I know is making one of her big, scary dreams happen right now. She's terrified, but she's doing it. Why shouldn't I?

I've always wanted to act. When I was little I told my dad I wanted to be an actress--and maybe sing too. He told me "over my dead body!" So I duly told everyone from that time on I was going to be a doctor. And yet, here I am, acting and singing away--with my Dad's support and help! So I know it is possible.

I've always loved playing imaginary games...I still do! Acting on stage or on screen is like playing an imaginary game every day. It is definitely not easy...in fact, it's rather hard, and very nervewracking. But it is wonderful fun!

When you take a bow and the audience applauds...you just feel...dizzy--drunk with happiness. You feel all warm and fuzzy and floaty inside. Giddy, even!

And the bone weary ache you get at the end of the day? It's almost blissful. I remember coming home from a Tom Sawyer performance and sticking my feet into a bucket of lavender-scented hot water, closing my eyes...and feeling so emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. Yet, so content and peaceful. Like everything is right with the world.

Oh...the magic you feel as you wait backstage for your turn to walk into the lights! The stab of joy that hits you as you sit down knowing you've done your best.

How happy I feel when I get a new scene to learn...last year at my lessons, I literally danced out of her studio singing to myself.

I remember coming home from a performance at a Teacher's Convention. I danced into the house and round the living. I felt such a sense of belonging. Performing is where I belong, I think. I love it.

Now of course, it is not all sunshine and daisies. There are bad and hard times. There are tough experiences and plenty of frustrations. But the good--being on stage--makes it ALL worth it. No doubt about it! Another friend of mine says a person ought to have no regrets. If I give up acting for the sake of anything else--even teaching--I think I will regret it. Yet I won't be entirely giving up teaching. I've already got 15 students for this fall. I'm very excited to teach them! I'm pretty confident I can do both. I'm actually doing both this fall as I am also in two plays, again! I am so excited! I can't imagine doing anything else...I love it so much. It makes everything in life so much brighter.

Performing is my life. That's all there is to it!

"I love acting. It is so much more real than life."

--Oscar Wilde

Comments

Whoo-hoo!!!!

Go for it, Raine!!!

-Falling Leaves

"If life gives you lemons, throw them back!" -Joe Jonas (I think, or it might be another one of the AWESOME Jonas Brothers)

Erin | Sat, 10/11/2008

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I know this is an old essay,

I know this is an old essay, but I had to say...

I love acting too. Good for you for following your heart. I have to admit, I'm often quite scared if I think of going into acting professionally, because of the unstability and nature of a job like that, but when I used to com home from acting class last year, I was on a different level- I was elated. I'll have to see eventually where I end up, but I'm glad you  followed your dreams.

Sar | Sat, 07/31/2010