I put on makeup today. Now, you're probably thinking, "big deal, so she put on makeup. She's a girl. That's what girls do." But this really is a big deal. It has been over a year since I put makeup on myself. No kidding.
I have let other girls give me makeovers a few times, but it was always one of those just-for-fun things where it was how we spent time together. For myself, I had a few reasons to stop wearing makeup. 1) I stink at applying it 2) I'm lazy and 3) I had a flawed self-image.
Those first two reasons haven't changed, but that third one is being addressed now. I had this mental idea of who I wanted to be about a year or two ago, and the sad (but also happy) thing is that I am realizing that who I wanted to be was not me. It's sad because I shouldn't have had a flawed self-image, but it's happy because now I know who I want to be. I want to be me.
Who I thought I was could best be explained as "natural" or "untouched". I idolized having that raw look; the look that says, "I don't need sprinkles and icing to make me be a pretty cake." I didn't wear makeup, rarely painted my nails, and didn't "do" my hair (except for the occasional clip, or letting someone else do it if they wanted to). I was purely focused on being natural.
Now don't get me wrong, I know some girls that do what I did, but it's right for them. It's THEM. They were born to look beautiful like that. To express themselves by being natural. And they do it beautifully. They are so feminine and graceful. But me, I'm, well, ME. and now I want to be me. I love me.
I think one thing we girls lose sight of is the fact that "what's cool" really isn't always cool. Like we think we need to fit into the cookie cutter shape that pop-culture presents to us. We idolize fitting into a particular stereotype (any stereotype; religious or contemporary), and live to look/act/think/feel a certain way.
Being a Christian, I have certain biblical standards that I hold to in my dress, but those are more like love languages to God than laws. So you could say I fit into a stereotype TO A POINT; but only to the point that I don't reveal very much skin, etc etc etc. If you look at the way I dress compared to every other girl in my church you will immediately notice that I totally have my own style. You can also tell that I do not wear whatever pop-culture has mandated to me.
But what pop-culture has forgotten is that we all have different ways of expressing ourselves; different ways of LIVING. We may not appreciate the skinny jeans, black eyeliner, or big hair as much as the next girl does. We may not all like shoes. Or bling. Or red. Or unnatural highlights. Or whatever on earth is popular at the time.
Dress really is just a form of expression. I'm told by people who know me well that I am bubbly and happy; you see that in the colors I wear. People who know me well also know that I have a very deep side. A serious side. Black or gray, anybody? My mirror just tells me what my heart already knows. My outfits are individual poems, telling you what my personality and character are like.
Sometimes I try (and fail) to project an image of something I'm not. I think society would like us to believe that certain styles are good, and certain styles are not. Some old styles are "in" while others are sneered upon by pop-culture, laughed at by we the people, and discarded for good. Are the Kardashians wearing it? No? Then it's off to Goodwill.
But what if I just want to be me? I think I can be the best me there is. No, I KNOW I can! I'm the only me! How cool is that? I am a unique individual, and if that means that my hair is natural while my eyelids are not, who cares? Nobody. So today I put on makeup, and I LOVED it! I felt feminine and pretty, and I felt like ME.
Just some thoughts I had today. :) I'm sick of idolizing a false self-image, and so I am doing something about it. :) this might have something to do with the fact that I've been listening to Sara Bareilles's song "I Wanna Be Like Me" which served as a bit of a wake-up call for me. And because my life has been super crazy lately and because of some tough things that I have happened I am realizing that it's not worth it to try and look like something that you're not. So I cut my hair a month ago, and it was the most FREEING thing I have done for myself in years. For realsies.