trial and error

Submitted by E on Sun, 01/15/2017 - 07:05

Mistake I

I am familiar with the

buzz the thrill the
hand gripping thigh
I will
regret this tomorrow

I let him with no
reaction I like the warmth

eyelids low

the bass in
his truck vibrates my
brain away the night is

alive I think
what time is it

Mistake II

I just recall
the ringing in my ears and
my hands on
his chest and
the sway as I tried to
catch my balance blurry and
all I could see was his
mouth opening into a laugh

my favorite space has always been
when the air just hangs
between us
my eyes on his mouth
who dives in first?
I don't know
but there is

Past Lives I

I tick tock dance
on your tongue
and wish for time to
move slower

crack me open and
spill me out
have the best times
because I don’t see myself
ever being as happy
as I was with us on that driveway
the moon glinting on the hood of
your car

Past Lives II

you tell me you are
proud of how
I’ve grown from the girl
you met those years ago
and I
want to bubble over

Fresh I

haven’t felt the
butterflies in a while

I am awake

because you
want to know about

and not just my body

Fresh II

I thought the
butterfly phase was long over
but you popped in

of course I’d be lying if
I said you had never
crossed my mind, but

I cannot comprehend
why we didn’t do this sooner

Author's age when written

First post of the new year! I haven't had much time to write, but these are just thoughts from over the past several months. Not sure how high quality they are, but they're pretty much the only things I've worked on so I figured I'd share :). I love reading everyone's work on here! Happy New Year!


I think it's funny that everyone is emerging from our holiday stupors to start posting again... :D This was incredibly enlivening. I could feel the movements and the thought processes. This opening line:

"Mistake I

I am familiar with the"

-- I didn't read as a Roman numeral but as a letter, so I thought you were doing a stuttering skip like a "mistake" and I liked that -- the "I" repeating. I wondered if that was intentional.


"the bass in
his truck vibrates my
brain away the night is


ughhhh so good... You're the queen of line breaks, haha. It's like extra words, the way you use it to communicate emotion.

I like "collision and release" and "tick tock dance" (so creative).

And I thought "my favorite space has always been / before" was profound -- to talk about a space of time.

The moon glinting was a very concrete image and also made me feel emotions, just painting that solid picture.

And I could feel it -- the sparkling bubble -- when he wanted to know you, deep down.... when he could see your story, your progression from girl to woman. That's what I want, too: someone who knows my story. ^.^

And I like how you left the last line vague... though I assumed you meant diving into a relationship; I don't know. But I like that I don't know.

The only line I tripped over was this:

"Fresh I

haven’t felt the
butterflies in a minute

I am awake"

You haven't felt the butterflies in a minute, or in a minute you're awake? Just a grammar question. And maybe because I expected you to say something like "haven't felt them in a long time" - even though that's not as poetic, haha.

Thanks for sharing and Happy New Year to you, too!!

Thank you so much for your comment! Your comments are always so thoughtful and validating ❤️
The Roman numeral being read as a letter was unintentional, but I'm almost glad you read it that way! It kind of works.
The "butterflies in a minute" line was one I was unsure about--I did mean "in a while" or something along those lines but I decided to go for something colloquial. I'll probably edit it later.
Thank you again!

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

You're welcome!!

And I forgot to tell you, but another friend read my memoir, and legitimately only a few days after you told me about I Capture the Castle, she said to me, "Your story reminds me of something. Have you ever heard of I Capture the Castle?" and when I exploded at the coincidence, she exploded, too -- more because she had never heard of anyone else knowing that book. So, needless to say, I ordered the book that day. It's been my curled-up-in-bed book lately, and I L-O-V-E it. It's hilarious and heart-wrenching at times. I'm at the part where the older sister just ruins her chances, and we're told to slam the book shut (which I did, hahaha).

......oh, wow, I just realized what a dolt I am. (I'm sorry I'm continuing this thread of thoughts irrelevantly on your own poem...) You said the GLASS Castle, not I Capture the Castle... ugh. Oh, well, I'm enjoying I Captured the Castle right now still, and I might not have had the push to read it if my brain did not come up with a coincidence that didn't happen, hahaha. The Glass Castle will be next!!! I need to read memoir, anyway, and this other book is not memoir. I started reading it, thinking it was, and was so confused. (It's really delightful, though.) Thanks for the other recommendation, haha.

Haha! I just saw both of these comments! I haven't read I Capture the Castle, but I'll have to check it out. You should DEFINITELY read the Glass Castle, I think you'd really enjoy it. :)

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond