What Was Right

Submitted by Madeline on Fri, 07/07/2017 - 13:51

There was a brink
I had reached
with startling clarity

the nerves built up
thick, on my tongue
coating the lining of my throat

a ghost
came out of me
a fantasy
a jagged daydream that placed the words
in my mouth
and whittled them out
from between sharpened teeth

and then I smacked against
the thick concrete
gray, and rolled right over
not mangled, not bruised
but emboldened
coppery and blue
and I opened my mouth
and sailed past
and flung the truth
over my left shoulder

knowing what the salt
would leave
in my wake
but I didn't care
though my voice warbled
and although I entertained the comment
as the idea of mistake

I knew
as soon as I extricated myself
from that space
tense and volatile
and jagged on all sides
I knew that
all would be
finally I had stood
way up and
countered hell

and when I came across her later
I beamed a smile
of this place we'd arrived
a tumultuous ride
that peaked on dusty ground

and I was still trembly
a bit unsteady
and not quite ready
for the fire to ensue
and gobble up the truth

I didn't know yet
that tears would clog my eyes
my mouth twist to the side
that I
would acquiesce
and move
as not to cause any more
but in that moment
my eyes, they said
I had done
at last
what was right.

Author's age when written


This is so great! I know this feeling so well... the feeling of expressing yourself fully (the "coppery and blue" was so exultant) (and "salt" was perfect) but then crumbling afterwards, too, because of hurting the other person. But the fact that you at least have that one moment of truth preserved.
I love when poetry, in being so specific, can capture a universal feeling!!!

I definitely relate and appreciate his piece for how well you captured a feeling,whether intentional or not this is so very beautiful!
" a ghost
came out of me
A fantasy
A jagged daydream that placed the words
In my mouth
And whittled them out
From between sharpened teeth"
LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!!! There were several parts of this poem that are just magically put together but thread lines are my absolute favorite!

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
Write On!

Your control of wording and rhythm should win some prize! Your poem has left me satisfied, ESPECIALLY after your use of 'coppery and blue' (never thought of that... gorgeous!). Love it!

Introverts unite!
From the comfort of your own homes!