a fortress was built inside which we could hide
constructed on dirt onto which we had spit, made it
so that we could carve it with the prick of our fingernail
about destinies and fantasies
'til the rain turned it to slop
away our fate
down storm drains
'til the following week the sun baked
it into clay
and the dust rose up
and beat at the sun-bleached
'til our palatial home
from two seeds
from minds ever unraveling
three centuries' ruin
EDIT: I've reworked the stanzas some! So anyone who viewed this earlier would've seen different spacing! :)
Love! As always ;)
I feel like this was somewhat a different style for you, and I can't pinpoint what exactly it is... but it's very well done! I love your verbage and rhythm, it flowed very well.
I especially like the last bit because I didn't get the whole "three centuries ruin" till I was reading over it a couple times. I don't know why I didn't get that the process was three centuries in one day! Haha! But it took me awhile and when I got it, everything clicked and it was just brilliant! Love it!
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
Wed, 07/26/2017 - 23:45
THOSE LAST LINES
THOSE LAST LINES THOUGH.
'three centuries' ruin
WOW. That last stanza really jumped out at me. The rest of the poem was very well done and nicely paced, but sorry I'm not saying anything else, there's pure gold in that stanza.
From the comfort of your own homes!
SO visual, I could see and feel everything I read! Your wording is pure magic. I'm always so pleased with your poetry...I need to get on AP more so I can express my love for them :) Good job!
When I worship, I would rather my heart be without words than my words be without heart.
You guys are SO LOVELY. I
You guys are SO LOVELY. I cannot believe the response to this; it's so wonderful, and soul-feeding!
Hannah - This may be very bad, but I don't know that I've even read any of Robert Browning's work! So that's just pure coincidence, as I think you figured out. haha! I'm so glad you felt it was evocative; honestly, (and this may be one of those notorious no-nos) I'm not even sure myself what this is about! Only that it's pretty close to the second scenario, definitely more metaphor than reality. I'd say it's probably more about creating something with somebody...whether that be a life, a friendship, etc...and then something goes wrong, and it's over in the matter of a few moments. Also, telling what you think your own work is about is probably a no-no. Oh, well. :P You're wonderful, and thank you!
Kasssssss - THANK YOUUU!! And I'm glad that it clicked! I actually like that it threw you off for a second; but you know me, I love to keep you on your toes. :P Speaking of which, my name isn't even Madeline, *GASP* all these years you THOUGHT YOU KNEW ME
Madalyn Clare - Awwwwww, oh my goodness. So lovely to receive a comment from you, and thank you dearly! I'm so glad you felt that last stanza; that's wonderful to hear!
Brighid - Yay, a comment from Brighid! Thank you so, so much. I really appreciate it!
All of you are wonderful! <3
So I have to say, when I
So I have to say, when I started reading the first stanza of this poem, I almost gasped in delight: "Was she inspired by Robert Browning's stanza forms in Love Among the Ruins?" I'm kind of a fan of that poet lol . . . anyway I kept reading and think maybe not. But I like it!
It was a little mysterious at first, like how could the little mud-fortress contain centuries of stuff? But I read it again and picked up on images that imply the playhouse were built by two best friends, who imaginatively created worlds with dynasties and destinies and fantastic heroes and legends and stories.
It could also almost be read as a metaphor, for the flourishing dreams of two young people very suddenly drying up, getting hollow and dusty, which leaves one wondering what grand (or perhaps tragic) event could bring a pessimistic sort of maturity so rapidly to such creative young minds.
In other words, it's quite evocative. : D Nice work. : )