I sat upon my owner's lap and stared intently at the screen of her computer. She was watching some kind of video that I found most interesting. After a while, my master turned off the video and shooed me off her lap so that she could stand. I explained to her my disproval, and several fine reasons why we should keep watching the video, but she didn't understand, as usual. Humans are such morons. I chased her into the kitchen, and strutted around her purring, allowing my long whiskers to brush up against her bare legs. She giggled, but still would not regain her seat at the computer. I then lay down by her foot and tousled her shoelaces to remind her of when I was a kitten. She kneeled down, and stroked my back a few times with her gentle hand, then stood and proceeded out the door.
I know she knew what I wanted; she understands me better then any other human does, but she wouldn't comply for some reason. Regardless, she was the best owner in the world. Practically all humans are unbearable, but she is tolerable. That is a huge step up. She is definitely the most intelligent human on the planet (her draw to me makes that evident).
I still saw no reason to sit by the door and await her return like some kind of dog, so I turned and walked back toward the computer room. I looked up at the computer on which we had earlier watched the video, and found that it was still running. I jumped up onto her chair, and looked up at the screen, but found something rather disturbing. The computer's desktop displayed a cat, but it wasn't me! What was up with that?
"What do you think you're doing here?" I asked the cat. "This is MY domain."
I repeated, louder "What are you doing in my domain?"
The other cat remained silent, so I could tell he was up to no good. What was he hiding? Was he to be my replacement? Thats when it hit me. He was to be my replacement. That was the only reason he would be here. I had to find a way to get rid of him. I leapt onto the desk and circled around the computer, and found that the computer was not attached to anything, except for by a wire attached to the wall. I grabbed the wire in my mouth and pulled, and it came out effortlessly. I kept it in my mouth and decided to drag the cat out of the house with it. I jumped off the desk, and pulled the other cat down with me. I landed on my feet expertly as I always do, but the cat in the computer was clearly less experienced. He landed flat on his face, with a catastrophic crash. He didn't even have time to get up before I continued dragging him toward the door. It was quite a struggle getting the computer cat up and through my cat door, as he was exceedingly heavy, but I did eventually. I knew I needed to get the computer cat farther from my house so he could not come back in, so I kept pulling. I ended up pulling him all the way through the grass and to the curb before I was exhausted. I stood back and looked at the computer cat. I started at the back of the computer, and circled around him, but when I got to where I used to be able to see the cat's face, I saw nothing but darkness, and shards of glass. The computer cat was gone.
I sat atop the computer in triumph, as I sang my victory to the world. Just then, my owner's car pulled up.
I hope you like this story! I tried to reflect the pridefulness of a cat in his own words, and I think it worked fairly well. What do you guys think?