Greater Love project snippet

Submitted by Damaris Ann on Sun, 09/18/2016 - 21:35

“Move your laptop.”


“Jonathan. Move it right now.”

Jonathan shifted his feet on the armrest.

“No. Leave me alone.”

David muttered under his breath. Jonathan pulled the ball cap off of his face for a brief moment.

“What did you say?”

“Couch hog.”

“Oh. I thought you said something else.”

He resumed his nap.

David shrugged his shoulders and left the room with a laptop under his arm. He noticed that Jonathan looked a bit pale when he returned.

“You okay, Bro?”

Jonathan sighed and tossed the ball cap across the room.

“Just can't shake off this dizziness.”

David's face softened.

“Did you eat any breakfast?”

“No. I felt too sick to stand up this morning.”

“Bro, you have to eat. I'll go make you some eggs and toast.”


“Thanks Dude. You're literally the best friend ever.”


“I mean it.”

David wadded up a napkin and tossed it at Jonathan's face.

“Eat up. Laura will be home in five.”

Author's age when written

Working (slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwly) on a re-write and thought I'd share snippets along the way.


Okay, so I did like this. It said alot of things about the characters through just dialogue. It was realistic, and not boring dialogue. You've grown in your writing.
By the way, you are beautiful in that profile picture.

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love this! Your dialogue has gotten so good--it flows seamlessly, has its own rhythms. I'm really enjoying your writing, and I can see that you're continuing to fine tune your art. Great work! I'll look forward to reading the finished product! :)

Thank you! I really appreciate it. I'm trying to make myself write more...I've been doing pretty good. I'm slowly working on this, plus working on a new story. I've made it to novelette with my word count so far...we'll see if I reach my goal of 100,000 My mom laughs at me when I get excited about how many words I've written in a day. Haha is that relatable??
Thanks again for your lovely comment!

I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.