Smiling for You

Submitted by Julie on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 20:28


Smiling For You You walk in the front door and see me smiling when I turn and look at you “I forgot something,” You say, and run back out or you plop down on the couch put on a season of Gilmore Girls Whether you walk out or stay inside Make yourself at home You have certainly done more toward that end than I   Remember the day I walked in the couch was piled high with blankets and pillows blocking the hall beds in various states of reassembly? All I wanted to do was slice my pomegranate and eat the scarlet seeds Not that I’m complaining It’s much nicer now that I can sit up in bed and the rearrangement feels much more like home But did it have to be on a Thursday?   I had only 3 hours between class and supper had to clean the kitchen before my tutoring session and the couch was right in front of the sink I got it done but even so—   You know what? I’m going to tell you a secret Are you ready? I don’t think so But here is the secret I was going to tell you   …I was crying when you walked in and now the smallest thing -the least hint of criticism the smallest touch (but we never hug) --would burst the dam holding these tears   If you were someone else I could cry now But though we’ve lived together a hundred days and more, I don’t feel safe crying with you If you can’t even cry at home because you’ll be surprised by someone walking in Don’t look too closely Or I will cry   Three reasons to cry in someone’s presence 1.       You can’t stand them 2.       You aren’t ashamed of tears 3.       You feel safe with them Well, #1 is an exaggeration #2 might have been true in my younger days But as for #3….   I am a royal blue crayon in a box of neon markers I want to be real but I am clay molded into a clown smiling for you    
Author's age when written


 Oh, Kestrel...I feel for you, dear. I know how that can be...I'll be praying for you.


This is an older poem, and not relevant to my current feelings, but yeah...there are times it's like this.

Formerly Kestrel

...have I felt this.  I rarely do anymore, but this brought back some serious memories.  You have a knack for writing things exactly as they are.

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya