How Do I Feel

Submitted by Madalyn Clare on Mon, 10/16/2017 - 23:31

I like my masks,
I suppose conclusively.
I stay behind them
I am posed with

Will they like me?
Will they ignore it?

I bear my heart
And imagine how
Delicious it will
Be on the palate
Of my peers.

I wait.
I want.
I wither.

I like my masks,
I conclude supposedly.
I wear them as I wait for
A reply from
Another human being.

How do they stay silent?
Can they not hear my heart
Begging for approval?
Can they even speak?

I wish.
I weep.
I wither.

I like my masks,
I guess warily.
I cry alone because
No one tells me
I’m good.

Am I enough?
Why won’t they tell me?

I wither.
I wait.
I stop.

I hate my masks,
I roar passionately.
I tear them in my
Relent to endless thoughts.

I’m not enough.
My heart is bleeding
And stale with peering

My (he)art is stiff and
Lifeless, a husk of
What I meant to say.
No wonder.

I breathe.
I break.
I brave.

Their silence is not
My fault. My mind
Is culpable for the death
Of my heart.

My mind weeps in
The bleeds of my
Artisan trade, so
That I pity myself.

Screams compliant
And relent into
My stomach:
A wrenching feeling.

I can’t end it.

So I stop.

I breathe again.
I close my eyes.

I don’t have masks,
I decide conclusively.
I write and I care not,
For this is myself and
No one else.

I brave.
I breathe.
I believe.

Author's age when written
I wrote this just a few minutes ago feeling a little jaded. I tend to be insecure about my writing and art, so when I don't get approval, I conclude that people don't like what I do or don't care about it. I haven't yet shaken that insecurity, and today I felt especially frustrated with myself, so I wrote this.

Yeah, at this point I'm rambling. Hope you like it.


My dear, you have just proved yourself with this poem. You write beautifully!! I believe in you. <3
Remember, people don't always speak their minds. :) sometimes silence can be the greatest compliment.
Keep your chin up, and keep up the good works. You have true talent; don't let discouragement make you toss it away.
I look up to you the same as you look up to your writer friends. :) I mean that. And just remember I'm one email away from a cyber hug and encouragement if you ever need it. <3

I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.

Aw, you just made my day, Damaris! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!
I've been belittled, mocked, straight-out bullied for my writing style and even the content of my stories (not by my writing buddies but by third parties). I know I shouldn't listen to those who don't care, but it's the ones who don't care who make the deepest impression. I'm always thankful for friends who do tell me they approve and also things like comments on AP, but that's not what matters. What matters is that I practice what i love and share what I love with others. And what you said about silence being a compliment, I'll definitely remember that.
So thank you for reinforcing what my mind is trying so hard to tell my heart! God bless you!

Introverts unite!
From the comfort of your own homes!