Ocean's Call - Chapter 1

Submitted by Jade Hardy on Mon, 12/25/2017 - 04:07

As Raya walked along the beach she looked out to the sea; breathing in the salty air and watching the waves kiss the sand.  She stopped to watch the dolphins swimming in the cove then turned to walk up the path to her house, she did not notice the ship on the horizon.  Finn, Raya’s older brother was playing volleyball with Jay their cousin, the twins Triton and Tyde, and Adrian, Finn's best friend, as she walked up the path Raya looked up when her brother called her.
“Raya, come play with us, we need one more player!” yelled Finn.
“No, thanks Finn I have things to do inside.” stated Raya.
“Ah come on, we love it when you play with us; right guys?”
“Ya, we love it just not when you beat us!” laughed the boys.
Finally, after a ton of coaxing Raya relented to play, the team that Raya was on won, they went inside to grab a bite to eat.  Raya left the noisy boys to head upstairs to her room for a much needed rest.  The next morning there was a buzz in the house for a ship had weighed anchor at the port.  It wasn’t that it was unusually it just was extremely  ship that looked different than the regular cargo ships .   Everyone was super excited about the prospect of a new ship that they rushed to head down to the port.  The arrival of the ship had the whole town in an uproar.  Poor Raya was woken up by her brother jumping on her bed and shouting.
“Ray, get up there is a ship at the port come on sleepy head get up!”
“No, go away Finney I don’t really care about the ship.”
“Do not call me Finney, you no I hate it.”
“That is why I say it, now go away.”
“Fine, I’m going to get you back for that,what are your going to do today?”
“Whatever, for starters going back to sleep.”
Well not everybody went down to the port to see the magnificent ship.  After sleeping for another hour  Raya got up and fixed breakfast and headed out for a run on the beach.  As she ran across the sand she saw the ship in the port and a boy climbing up the mast.  She was close enough to the port for him to see her, his beautiful, toxic blue eyes stared into her emerald green eyes.  They finally broke eye contact when someone called his name but as he was sliding down the mast he looked back at her and smiled.
Raya smiled as she ran back to the house.  Her family were back from the port and where getting food ready for lunch.
“Ray, you missed the ship it was huge!” stated her brother.
“No, I saw it from the beach when I went for my morning run.”
“Oh, why are you smiling did you met someone?” teased Finn
“Ah no,”
After grabbing a bite to eat she ran upstairs to her room to change into something that wasn’t sweat covered.  She did keep thinking about the boy on the ship hoping maybe even meeting him one day.  Little did Raya know is that she would meet the boy sooner than she thought.  When Raya and Finn finished cleaning up after lunch they went down to the beach to go for a swim they met a couple of Finn’s friends who were playing a game of volleyball.  They waved over Finn and Raya to come play with them.  The game was a tie, they all headed over to the Finn and Raya’s house to play some video games and hang out.  The next morning was Sunday and the Harpers went to church.  The Singers had invited the Harpers over for dinner that evening.  After church they went home to prepare for dinner that night at the Singers.  Raya went for a run after she had helped her mom make potato salad.  She looked over to the port to see if the ship had left, but to her surprise it was still there.
‘I wonder why they haven’t left yet.’ thought Raya
“We needed to replenish our supplies,” someone said from behind her
Ray jumped she did not realize that she had spoken her thoughts out loud, or noticed that someone had come up behind her.
“Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.” said the stranger.
He looked like the boy from the ship, she would never forget those eyes.
“I’m Kaldur, um.... you are?” he asked
“Oh, sorry I’m Raya.”
“Beautiful,” he mumbled
“Pardon, ”
“Nothing, so do you live around here?”
“Ya, I just came for a run needed to clear my head.”
“Oh, do you run a lot?”
“Yep, but I love to swim and be out on the ocean more.”
“Well, I have to head back to the ship before my dad comes to find me, maybe we can see each other sometime before I leave port?”
“Ya, I would like that, bye Kaldur.”
As he walked away he looked back, smiled and waved.  Raya walked home with a smile on her face.  She showered and cleaned up for dinner that night.  Her family walked over to the Singer’s house that was a couple blocks down the street.  The twins Tyde and Triton greeted them at the door.  The twins took Raya and Finn to the game room while dinner was being prepared.  They played games until their parents called them in for dinner.  The teens decided after dinner they would head to the beach for a swim.  It was a beautiful night for a swim and the water was perfect.  As they were swimming, Raya swam over to a secret cove near the beach hidden in between the rocks, while the boys stayed not knowing she had left.  Raya laid out on the sand and looked up at the clear night sky that was full of stars.  The waves crashing onto the the sand it was so peaceful that she did not hear footsteps.  Raya turned when a hand was placed on her shoulder.
“Hi, I hope I didn’t startle you.” said Kaldur
“No, sorry I did not hear you come up.”
“Ya, that happens sometimes.” laughed Kaldur
His laugh was so beautiful it reminded her of the ocean.
“So what are you doing out here by yourself?” He questioned
“Nothing, I am here with my brother and two of his friends.  We were swimming and I wanted to come over to my favorite spot.”
“Oh, it is very beautiful here." he said
Running his fingers through his black hair. “We finished getting our supplies and we are heading out in the morning.”
“I’m glad I met you Kaldur,”
“Me too, I hope we will see each other someday so we can get to know each other better and met your family.”
Kaldur got up from the sand, waved goodbye to Raya, turned and headed back towards the docks.
Raya swam back to her brother and the twins, they dried off and headed back to the Singer’s home.  When they came back the Harpers left to go home.  Raya was still sad that Kaldur was leaving so soon.  They didn’t even have time to get to know each other.
“Hey sis you okay?” Finn asked concerned
“Ya, I’m fine just tired that’s all.”
Raya went up to her room after saying goodnight to her parents and brother. Raya was up with the sun, went running along the beach, looking up she did not see the masts of the ship anymore. When she got home her family was up and getting breakfast.
“Honey, did you go for a run this morning?” asked her mom
“Yes but I need to tell you guys something.”
“Ok, what is it.” asked her dad
“I saw this guy Saturday, when you guys went to the port I saw him he was hanging off the mast of the ship.”
We didn’t officially meet until Sunday.  I went for a run and met him on the beach.”
“We talked for a little then he had to leave, that evening when Finn, the twins and I went swimming I swam over to the cove just to lay and look at the stars.”
“Well he happened to be there and we talked some more, he told me he was leaving in the morning.”
“He said when he came back he wanted to get to know me and met you guys.”
“Oh, what is his name?” asked mom
“Well we would love to met him, did he say when he was coming back?” asked mom
“Uh… meet him I never said I would meet him!” joked dad
“Ya me too...I don’t like him already!” teased Finn
“Well tough you going to have to, and to answer your question mom he didn’t say.”
After Raya was interrogated by her dad and brother, she went upstairs to take a shower and clean-up.  Finn came running up the stairs as Raya came out of her room.
“Raya, come on we are going to be late for Jay’s birthday!”
“I’m coming, but I thought it was later today?”
“It is but we are going early, Aunt Sarine asked if we would.”
“Ok, but I can only stay for a hour or two since I’m working today.”
They hopped onto Raya’s green and black kawasaki ninja and headed over to their cousin’s house.  Riding a bike in Hawaii was always fun because of the twisted roads through the beautiful trees or u were right next to the ocean and it was pure bliss.  When they got to their cousin's house they were greeted by the furry faces of Bonnie and Clyde their cousin’s Dobermans. Raya parked her bike behind Jay’s car, it would be easier for her to leave.  They were walking up the porch as the door opened and out popped Jay caring some boxes.
“Jay need some help there?” asked Finn
“Ya man that would be great they are going in the garage.”
Finn grabbed some of the boxes, carried them over to the open garage. They set them over where the rest of the boxes were, headed inside talking about everything guy related things.

Author's age when written


Yay! I love this bit;
As Raya walked along the beach she looked out to the sea; breathing in the salty air and watching the waves kiss the sand. She stopped to watch the dolphins swimming in the cove then turned to walk up the path to her house, she did not notice the ship on the horizon.
It's so pretty and whimsical. Especially the use of the word "kiss".
Again, welcome! I'm so glad you're here!

I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.

I'm intrigued by this story. Is it the first chapter of something longer? It definitely feels like it belongs within a bigger whole, especially since the ending just kind of stops on the cusp of something new. I'm also curious as to whether there will be some kind of fantasy element introduced. I don't know, it just has that...feel.
Critique-wise, there are some punctuation issues, and a few run-on sentences, but that's all easily fixed. A few things did feel kind of rushed. Take your time. Tell your story at its own pace. Breathe. Give your characters time to process and think things through and grow and feel. It's very easy as a writer to get caught up in the desire to keep things moving very quickly so that your readers are swept along and don't get bored. There is value in that, but don't get so caught up in it that you rush your story. Let it tell itself in its own time, and it will feel much more natural and organic.
Great job! I hope there is more of this story, but even if there isn't I'm still looking forward to seeing more of your work!

Brother: Your character should drive a motorcycle.
Me: He can't. He's in the wilderness.
Brother: Then make it a four-wheel-drive motorcycle!

Thank you Mary, for your comment on my story. Yes there will be more I have just been really busy with some things and have not been able to update. I do agree with you on some of the parts being rushed. I might change somethings I was trying to get my thoughts on paper and see what other people besides my family think of my story. If you have any other suggestions feel free to let me know.