Durfil's Hope

Submitted by James on Fri, 11/13/2009 - 21:29

An Elegy of the Faithful, Translated into the Common Tongue by the Jondeli

In vales green, where life awoke,
When Arah still was young,
Áronyeh, Lord of Arah, spoke:
His mighty song he sung.

There Durfil, Rayon’s second son
Was noble, stout and strong;
Before the great deceiver won
O’er man, with all his wrong.

And so when man gave up his light
He sought for its regain;
He trusted in his strength to fight,
But failed, and fell in pain.

To vales green, where life became,
Now marred with dying bones,
Durfil returned, head hung in shame,
With only empty stones.

There Durfil a new life began,
His children multiplied,
They chose to dwell away from man,
In tunneled hills to hide.

Yet with the years, men’s numbers grew
Far more than Durfil’s seed,
And west they fled, till oceans blue
Their journeys did impede.

From vales green, where life began,
Through struggles night and day,
To distant shores they finally ran,
And weeping, sailed away.

They sought the land of Qeylen’s seed,
The man who never fell,
Their hope: reverse the woeful deed,
And peacefully there dwell.

O, pray that Áronyeh delight
In granting their request,
And flood the stricken stones with light,
That Durfil’s sons may rest.

In vales green, life’s glorious laugh
Shall take anew its flair,
And Áronyeh his shepherd’s staff
To guide his people there.




Does this mean the Erenyal will return sometime? It's a beautiful poem in any case, and it makes me curious to learn more.

Formerly Kestrel

Lovely, James, lovely. I would suggest just one thing: I think it would flow better if, instead of saying 'In vales green' you wrote 'In valleys green'. But other than that, I liked it a lot. You rhymed everything so well, and still made it make sense (something extremely difficult for me!).

The best stories are those that are focused, unassuming, and self-confident enough to trust the reader to figure things out. --


I like vales. But maybe "Vales of green" instead of "vales green." 

I love this. Your poetry is always wonderful... I love the last three stanzas especially, as I find myself thinking more and more of the hope of heaven.

... and is this verse going to make it into prose for your story any time soon-ish?

 I actually have been meaning to go back and re-read your story.  This poem (beautiful, by the way) makes me anxious to do so!

Brother: Your character should drive a motorcycle.
Me: He can't. He's in the wilderness.
Brother: Then make it a four-wheel-drive motorcycle!

I'm still hammering out details of the initial history of Arah: People, Chronology, and hardest of all the intrusion of evil.  I've run into some rough spots, but I think I'm making progress through them.  This poem traces some of the threads of the early history, paticularly of Durfil's people.

Hopefully the Érenyel will return soon.

About my use of the word vale:  It's one of those tricky one-syllable words; because of the long "EY" sound and the rich "L", it can cover two syllables -- that's how I intended it.  In other words, the first line should read, "in VEY-yuls GREEN where LIFE a-WOKE..."

"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

I love it, James. It's great!

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."