Submitted by Kassady on Mon, 08/01/2016 - 16:07

Black breasted bird flies faster
Than the rose winged finch,
The latter not fit for fighting,
Both unaware of my curious watch,
My cataloging of colors kept secret.
Birds of a feather fly together
But I do not know how to fly that high
Or how to busy myself with the sky
When the urgency of lying keeps me in my coup,
A restless birdwatcher just waiting.

Author's age when written

Another (small) poem to add to the series of bird related poems ;P


I like this a lot! Very cute. Here are a couple of spots that could be strengthened:

"The little fighting none" --I read this over several times and wasn't sure what it meant. I could just be missing something, of course haha.

"But I know not how to fly that high" --I would change that to "But I do not know how..." However, that is an entirely personal choice. Personally, I am not a big fan of the antiquated sound that "know not" provides. But if that's what you're going for, I understand. :)

I really enjoyed this! What a fun poem. :)

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Erin- Thank you so much for your lovely comment and I really appreciate your critiques! I will try to keep the rythme and change the things you've mentioned, because I agree! I want my reader to not have to struggle with lines in order to get a clear image!
I'm personally a fan of "know not" for it seems to feel more "medieval/Renaissance"-ish to me, but if it's blunt and doesn't flow then I agree! It should be changed ;)
Thank you again for your comment!! Hope you're doing well!!!

Awww, I know right? Thanks for reading!!

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
Write On!