Love Victorious: Prologue

Submitted by Kyleigh on Sat, 01/02/2016 - 03:29

Prologue: Edaled, Year 50
In the beginning there was peace.
There was peace between husband and wife. There was peace between brother and sister. There was peace between all kingdoms of Edaled. But most of all, there was peace between Ad and His creation.
When Ad dwelt among His people, there was joy every time He was seen. Every time He spoke. Every time He was mentioned. To love and be with the One who created them was all anyone asked. Even the kings would leave their most important business when He came, so great was their love for Him.
But then came the dragon. He whispered into the hearts of every child of Man, beginning with Nathan, King of Sealyn. His whisperings unearthed the pride in every heart that caused every being to vie for the affection that belonged only to Ad – Ad the Creator, who lavished His love on each of the children of Man, whose qualities were so far beyond that of any created thing. The simple laws He had given to protect His people were ignored.
It seemed like a good life at first. But then some became hungry because the stronger were hoarding food. Husbands and wives began to fight. Children began to bicker. Tears were shed. Death entered.

Then in the dark of night, bright light filled Edaled. Even the smallest child fell to the ground, hiding his face.
“I trusted you to follow my laws,” a voice said. It was Ad. Many tried to speak, but found no words. There was no excuse for what they had done. “In your pride you think you know better than I. You are wrong – it is I who give you life. Yet I am giving you what you desire – life without me.”
“No! Please, there must be some way – you must stay – we need you!” Men cried. “You must reap what you sow. Your pride has brought this on Edaled.” “But Daron told me-” women shouted. “He lied!” said Ad. “Daron is wiser than the serpents, and tries to find ways around my laws through which he may cause you to stumble. He twists my words and makes them seem hateful and harsh. Be wary of him, for he is the prince of this world; you have chosen his rule over mine.” Suddenly, in the presence of the Ad, all of Man’s children realized foolishness of following after their own desires.
Nathan spoke, but all heard and echoed his words. “Is there any way to turn back what I have done? Any way to bring you back?”
The light vanished, but the voice was still heard. “I will provide a way. While men dwell in Edaled, life will never return to the way it once was, but I will provide a way of escape from Daron’s lies and the lies of your own heart, for now complete resistance will be futile. But although Daron will triumph for a time, I will be victorious.”

Author's age when written

My first re-write of the prologue for Love Victorious, attempting to make it less tell but without making the backstory necessary a book in itself. One of the main things I am focusing on while editing is the strictness of the allegory - I'm leaving a lot more open-ended than before, making it a less-strict allegory.


I like this prologue much better than the first. It is very different though - how do you do such transformed edits??

The light vanished, but the voice was still heard. ..."But although Daron will triumph for a time, I will be victorious.” - love that.

Well-written, Kyleigh.

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you, Megan!

One of the biggest things I'm working on as I edit this time is the allegory involved in the story - mostly making it not quite so strict, which means leaving some things unsaid. I also wanted to make the opening more poetic since I felt that it dragged. Those combined meant this. ;) Although after working through the first three chapters and still not being happy with them, I think the whole opening is getting re-done, with the backstory of the fall and how Faolan came to power being told in little bits over time instead of all at once at the beginning, since it meant a slow opening without the main characters being introduced. I'd sent them to Ezra to read and he helped me figure out how to redo the opening chapters.

I love that you're softening on the strictness of the allegory and you're going to make it more open! I'm always impressed when people end up able to do that, artistically. Awesome prologue. I have a question, with the last sentence -- "But although Daron will triumph for a time, I will be victorious.” Do you have any thoughts on putting your ending in the prologue? -- the fact that Ad will be victorious. I mean, I know it's already in the title, but I wonder if you may lose some tension/suspense in your story line by sharing the final outcome in the prologue. Thoughts? I'm sort of going through a similar thing in my own writing right now, so it jumped out at me. :) (And I'm not saying you wouldn't naturally have tension in your story apart from this. You're a really good writer!!)

Sarah Bethany: Thank you! It's a struggle for me to keep things more open-ended, but Ezra is helping me a lot. I like everything laid out clearly but I know that's not always as good for storytelling.
I hadn't really thought about that. I was more thinking of the OT longing for the Messiah and the promise in Genesis of crushing the Serpent's head - but I will keep that in mind as I edit. Although this has already moved from being the prologue to being later in the book as it's not the main story, just necessary back story.

Arthur: Well, I won't be posting it all on AP this time as I'm hoping to release it as an eBook by the end of 2016.

Fine then. :P I'll just have to get the e-book.

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."

I'm glad you're re-writing this story because...I may have not read it yet... :P
This gives me another chance to read the story! I'm excited to read the rest!

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."