Edmund's Sunset

Submitted by Libby on Thu, 08/23/2018 - 23:21

Unbroken mists upon the water
Veil the island’s silhouette;
Just a shadowland, it caught her
Soul in its relentless clutch
With just a touch of violet
Amid an iridescent grey.

Alone, she stood and gazed far yonder,
Drawn unto the dusky light—
‘twas a sight to make one ponder
All the beauty of the world:
The water pearled with ripples, white,
When sunlight fades, when rests the day.

And as she looked out o’er the ocean,
To the bleak horizon flocked
Graceful gulls in sweeping motion,
Past her soaring far abroad;
And in untrodden lands she walked
Alone, to watch them fly away.

The currents rippled to the shoreland,
Crawling o’er the sandy beach;
Quiet waves unto her beckoned,
Calling her to water’s rim;
Her figure, slim, bent down to reach
The dewy mist of ocean’s spray.

She leaned so far, the swift tides caught her
In their harsh, relentless hold;
Down she sank into dark water,
Taken by unending sleep.
Above the deep, the sun, all gold,
Knew naught, but shone in bright array.

The world looked on in cold defiance,
Caring naught of what had passed.
All the seas danced on in silence,
O’er the maiden’s stony form,
No longer warm, but cold at last—
At peace, in death’s embrace, she lay.

The quiet mountains shadowed over
Where she last had danced abroad—
In the sands, there grew a clover,
Solitary in its grace.
And in that place of crumbled sod
Sweet heaven cast a blissful ray.

Author's age when written

I must explain that the title of the poem does not really fit with the poem itself. I was inspired by a sunset in Edmonds (Washington) where the smoke was so bad that you couldn’t see the opposite shore – which is usually a very prominent feature in the landscape. (I changed the name “Edmonds” to “Edmunds”, because Edmund is a favorite name of mine.) That all got me started on the first lines. As you might have guessed, things diverged very quickly. I did not intend, at first, for such an ending. But, I guess you might say, it just happened that way. I want to ask your opinion on this: is the ending alright? How can I make it better? Does it seem too hopeless? I would love any criticism on this.


Beautiful writing! I also just have to say that your word choice, not just in this piece but in all your writing, is spot on! And it just makes it so pleasing to read!

C.S. Lewis ~ "He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less."