Submitted by Libby on Tue, 01/30/2018 - 05:50

For many days this hurt has grown,
My conscience weighs with guilt that’s known
To self alone; a sense of right
Bestows itself upon my plight.

My right to comfort stands no more,
I forfeit it to stop this war,
To kneel before my enemy
In sorrow and humility.

I risk the cost, my cause is just,
And in her mercy blindly trust;
For this, I must forsake my pride
That selfishness might be denied.

As I confess my shameful deeds,
I bow my head as sorrow feeds
A soul that leads repentant heart
To ask anew afresh to start.

She watches as the silver tears
Begin to overflow, and nears
To calm my fears with warm embrace,
Forgiving me with humbling grace.

In this moment, love has won,
Becalming anger, hurt undone;
For in the Son, forgiveness lies,
Compassion, hate and strife defies.

Author's age when written


Beautiful, Libby.

As I confess my shameful deeds,
I bow my head as sorrow feeds
A soul that leads repentant heart
To ask anew afresh to start.

Love this. You continue to amaze me with your talent and your sweet, godly heart. <3

I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.

But I wanted to comment about rhyme.

The rhyme scheme and the meter is very impeccably followed (there's only one imperfect rhyme and it doesn't bother me). I think when we write, we all have a hierarchy of values and we're always making judgments like "should I sacrifice the meter or this word I like?" "Should I use an imperfect rhyme so that I can say a little more precisely what I mean?" based on our values.

I personally try to avoid using unusual words on rhymes, so if this were my poem I'd be trying to figure out a way to use a different word than 'beknown' on the rhyme in the first stanza.

Here's an example of one way to do that by sacrificing some things and gaining others:

For many days this hurt has grown;
My guilt, known to myself alone,
Weighs like a stone upon my mind,
For (a) broken friendship left behind.

It keeps the hidden rhyme (which I like) in the third line making the "oan" sound quadruple.

If it were my poem I'd also tinker around to see if I could get the last stanza into the present tense.

And he was just wondering, for he was a severe critic of his own work, whether that last line couldn't be polished up a bit...
~P.G. Wodehouse

Thank you both so much.
Damaris: I've been learning a lot recently about forgiveness. My writing this poem at all is only by the grace of God.
Caleb: Thank you so much for the feedback. I myself was wondering about that last stanza, and will try to get that done as well. About the other stanza, your comment on it is so good. I like it's quadruple rhyme; maybe I'll try something like it to help the reader better understand. Thank you so much!