Solemn Farewell

Submitted by Libby on Wed, 11/22/2017 - 02:18

When she died
I cried,
and I
can’t explain the hurt inside.
I laid my head
Down on the bed
So much to say,
But in that silence, all was said.

Still, she looked into my eyes
after so many tries
said, “I

That was enough
her feelings
when she told me
“I love you.”

People often say
that they
only remember days
when loved ones acted
or mean
or embarrassing.
But I
am different;
leaves out all the sad
the bad—
when she was mad.

I think of her
only when she was glad.
Her smiles
no trials
or perturbed;
so hardly unnerved.
Sweet and singing,
her voice
in the dead of day
doubts flinging
far away.

solemn farewell
sing it until
I see her again
my pain
turns to joy.

Author's age when written

This is my first time trying freeverse, so critique is very welcome.


Wow... Libby, this is so beautiful.
I really like how you kept a rhyme throughout it so that you knew how the pace went.

Introverts unite!
From the comfort of your own homes!

I love this. Freeverse tends to feel more raw to me for better communication of deeper emotions!

The only thing that stood out in a negative way to me was this part -
or mean
or embarrassing.
- embarrassing was a bit jarring because all the other words were a single syllable.

Madalyn: Thank you so much:)
Kyleigh: Thanks! Would 'awkward' or 'silly' read better? Or would it be better to have a single syllable? This question is for anyone. ;)

This is a really good poem! It's very heartfelt; makes people think that you experienced it yourself. It's wonderful!

Suggestion: Would putting the circumstances in make the poem more powerful? Put more of a picture in the reader's mind.

Liana Wood