Old Things Die (But Not Us) -- Chapter four and a half: Entry 14

Submitted by Madalyn Clare on Sat, 12/01/2018 - 03:22

Dear Levi-
Are you okay? I know you ask this of me almost every time we see each other. I guess I should ask you every now and again. I’m not the only one in the world with a hard life, and there are times that you’re not the strong one. I’ve depended on you for so long I never thought that, maybe, you can depend on me.
You looked hurt today. I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what’s going on in your head but I can imagine it being a pretty stupid place to be right now. If ever you need to talk to me, please just say it. I don’t want you to think you’re incapable of it. If there’s anything I did to make you angry, I’m so sorry. I want to know what I did so I can fix it.
And I’m also sorry about my reaction to you having a girlfriend. I look back now and I want to slap myself for it. You don’t need me to hate you for it. I really can’t wait to meet her, and I’m really happy for you. I should’ve assumed you’d tell me.
I lied about the camp being all right. I didn’t tell you about everything that happened. In all honesty, I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t feel like you were listening. And also, because you didn’t give me a detailed description of the YEP. I missed it. I really did, and I was being a jerk because I knew you weren’t telling me the entire thing.
It’s so hard to tell you the truth face to face. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I keep all this to myself because it’s better to be honest with you. One day, I’ll tell you the whole truth to your face without being afraid.
I missed you a lot while I was gone. Most of the time I was just thinking about what you were up to and how I could run away. I wanted to hang out with you in Easton, after your classes. I wanted to go on hikes with your dad, and take pictures of the trees changing color. I didn’t want to be Alan’s cabin mate, and I for sure didn’t want to be his partner for the whole trip. All I was thinking about was the friends you were probably making and all the smart stuff you could talk about together. I was thinking about how you might have been asked to teach a class or something, or tutor. Thinking about everything made me scared. I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve never felt this way because there’s never been a time when I needed to be around anyone without you.
Please don’t ever leave. I don’t know what I’d do if the rest of the world, if the rest of my life, was like this camping trip.

Your friend,

Author's age when written

Hmmmmm.... the symmetry is strong with this one. I may make some comments like this on my own story. All these characters are surprising me with their narratives. Even though I'm the author I just want to wrap Josh up in a bundle of soft blankets, give him something warm to drink, and whisk him off to where he'll never be hurt again. Do any of you get that feeling with your own characters?